Good Afternoon

Good afternoon everyone! Today has been a totally crazy day! The reason I’ve started cutting back on my extracurricular activites was really driven home to me today. Our electricity was turned off! I was swamped and didn’t put the late notice in the bill folder and I totally forgot to pay it! To make matters worse, we didn’t have the money to pay it right now. I felt like a total dunce! Thankfully, my Mom was kind enough to pay the bill for us so we could get the power turned back on (THANKS MOM & DAD!), we’ll pay her back in the next couple of weeks. I have been letting so many things get in the way of my God ordained job and my priorities have been so messed up the past few months. Thankfully, I’ve realized that and am in the process of getting my priorities straightend out. Please keep me in your prayers, I sure could use them. I don’t know why it’s so easy for me to get my priorities all twisted up, but I’m trying to do better. Does anyone else have this problem?

I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks, and I realized a couple of things. I’m not perfect and for many years I’ve been living a “do as I say, not as I do” sort of life. I have areas of habitual sin in my life that I need to deal with. Dont’ get me wrong, I’m not an ax murderer or anything, but sin is SIN. These habitual areas of sin are holding me back from a real relationship with the Lord and I would love nothing more than to irradicate them from my life. Laziness, gossip, and just a general rebellious attitude are infecting my daily walk and I need lots of prayers in these areas. I’m not reading and studying the Word like I should be, it’s been really months since I’ve read the Bible. I don’t know why I’m such a rebellious creature, but I am….I rebel from doing things that I know are right because I want to do things my way. What a selfish attitude I’ve had! The root of my problems boils down to selfishness…wanting to do what I want, wanting things my way, wanting myself to be comfortable. Wanting people to think only the best about me. I am so far from perfect, but it makes me feel good for people to think I have my act all together. I fall so far from the mark most days, but the Lord is really showing me my sin, my prideful behavior. Please keep me in your prayers, as the Lord is REALLY working on me right not. The potter has my clay in His hands and is doing ALL SORTS of pushing and prodding trying to get me in the form that is pleasing to Him.

Another thing I realized is that I’ve been baptized three times and none of them were for the right reason. I was baptized (sprinkled) as a baby–I didn’t have a choice in this and so it can hardly be counted as a salvation experience. I was baptized (sprinkled) when I first excepted Christ at ten years old. What I realize now about that time was that I did it for the wrong reasons. I believe it was a revival of some sort and my brother accepted Christ the night before and I saw how proud my parents were of him and they made such a big deal about it (which they SHOULD have done, I’m not saying they shouldn’t have…it was a BIG DEAL!). I was jealous and wanted that feeling for myself, so I went down the next night and accepted Christ, without really understanding what I was doing. I’m not even sure that I was truly saved at that time, as I did it for the wrong reasons. My heart really didn’t change. The third time I was baptized, was when I was about 14 or 15 years old and we were joining a Baptist church. To become a member, I had to be baptised, and that was the only reason I was baptized. Again, a baptisim for the wrong reasons. I realized that it was actually many years later that I truly gave my heart to the Lord and have tried to serve him, although I fall ALL THE TIME and have always been dealing with my selfish, sinful behavior and attitude. I realized that I have never been truly baptized for the right reasons! Isn’t that amazing!?! I’ve been talking it over with Marty and we’re both in the same situatation and he would like to baptize me in the Brazos River. Does anyone know if there’s any reason why a husband (my head and priest of our home), should not baptize his family members. Does baptism HAVE to be done by a pastor?? I think it would be a really neat family experience that will show our commitment to the Lord.

Another thing I’ve realized is that I’ve been blown about by the wind as far as my belief are concerned. For example, I read on several blogs and websites about how a Christian woman should wear headcovers, so on goes the headcover. Then I read the opposite and the headcover went off. Rinse and repeat (LOL!). There is definatly a REASON why women should not serve as pastors…they are too emotional and are too easily led astray. Not that I ever believed that the headcover issue was a salvation issue. But I’ve realized that I don’t really know what I should believe and that I can’t always back up what I do believe with Scripture. I’ll never be able to until I really study the Bible. I have read the Bible through cover to cover several times, but I never really studied it, just read it like I would some novel, not always paying the best attention. I know just enough scripture to be dangerous. There are some Bible subjects I have studied, for example the Scripture in Titus 2 talking about how Christian women should live their lives and how they should mentor others. And I know what I’ve been told I should believe and what I learned to believe from my parents and church leaders….I can’t personally back some of it up with scripture, which isn’t going to help me lead anyone to Christ. And maybe I shouldn’t even try until I know what I believe is in fact true. Regardless, I’ve come to realize that I need to study the Scriptures. I need to study to find myself approved, so to speak.

And speaking of leading others to Christ….I’ve realized that I’ve been really wishy washy and politically correct, not wanting to offend anyone by pointing out that SIN is SIN no matter what the SIN is. Not that I think that sin can in any way be excused, I’m VERY opinionated in regards to that (just ask my family…LOL!). Sin is offensive no matter how you look at it and just ignoring it or worrying about offending someone is no excuse for not saying anything. Grow a backbone Susan and SPEAK OUT! If it’s sin, it needs to be brought into the light. Sin is very much like mold…it likes the dark hidden places! Sin, like mold, does not grow well in the light. I’m going to let my light shine!!

So what does all this boil down to? It boils down to the fact that the Lord has called me out for my sin. He’s telling me to put up or shut up. I’m still struggling with this and He’s dragging me along kicking and screaming. I’m so stubborn that it would probaby be easier to just club me unconcious, but that’s not the way the Lord does it. These struggles and ups and downs only serve to strengthen my Faith and refine me as a Christian. God isn’t finished with me yet and I’m so glad that He’s not the type to give up, because if He was he’d given up on me a LOOOONNNNGGGG time ago! THANK YOU LORD!!

I’ve still got a long way to go, so I would really appreciate your prayers and I’m growing and getting right with the Lord in ALL areas of my life.

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